Tag: Rejection

Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely by Lysa TerKeurst [Book Review]

_240_360_book-1988-coverAt some point in our life we have all been rejected. Rejection is something I’ve talked about frequently in this space. It’s not a feeling I ever wanted repeated in my life but it has been for some time now. Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst was written for me and every person who has ever felt the hurt from rejection.

Page by page I felt myself nod in agreement, felt convicted, and circumstances in my present were put in perspective. This book was written for me in this time of my life, no doubt in my mind.  Lysa’s biblical perspective throughout Uninvited confirmed so many things I’m going through as I write this. She took the words right out of my heart and mouth.

Recently, I’ve had a desire to run towards people and things to fill the void left from past rejection. It worked for a while and then it didn’t any more. This is why Uninvited is so timely. I realized the things I was running to were taking God’s place in my life. Instead of turning to Him, I chose to turn to things I knew in my spirit wouldn’t satisfy but chose them over Him anyway.

I’ll be honest, it wasn’t easy realizing the damage past rejection has done to me. It’s pretty bad. I’m still coming to grips with it. I don’t want to make excuses for my words, actions, or behavior in the past few months, but I know it’s time to start making real changes in my life. It’s time for me to be honest with myself and let God take the wheel again.

There is nothing pretty about rejection. I can’t think of a single moment when rejection ever felt beautiful, but it’s all about perspective. I was able to relate to almost all of Lysa’s experiences with past relationships. I appreciate Uninvited so much because God was speaking to me directly through Lysa’s heart.

Rejection cannot define our future unless we allow it to.

I don’t know your experience with rejection but I highly recommend Uninvited. I hope it speaks to you as much as it did me.

I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers  book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255  : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

 

 

When Rejection Resurfaces

24829990692_6cba7b1b27_b

Last week, someone I used to really like and care for said something hurtful to me and feelings of rejection resurfaced. What is it about me that people can’t love and appreciate? That was the first thought that crossed my mind.

I’m realizing the more people reject me, I need more of Jesus in my life.

Rejection hurts. No matter which end you fall on, it hurts terribly.  I know in my heart God loves me. He sees my weaknesses as strengths and works through my faults and flaws. However, others can’t and most won’t. This is the reality of life. You’re only good for someone until they no longer need you. Whatever else we have to offer, it doesn’t matter.

Maybe I’m being too hard on myself, but these are feelings I live with daily. Even when God is good, I don’t feel good enough. This hurts to admit, but it’s the truth. Rejection has followed me around for the past several years and no matter who’s the source of it, it hurts worse as I get older.

I want to be the kind of woman who knows her worth in Christ and walks in that identity. I want to stand firm on who God says I am and not let other people’s treatment towards me bring me down. This is an area I’ve continued to struggle with for five years and it hasn’t gotten easier. Sadly, I don’t think it will.

I am hopeful though. I know God is here with me and will guide my heart with the truth of His Word. He always does. He reminds me I’m loved, valued, cherished, and accepted exactly as I am.

Today, if feelings of rejection resurface, rest in this truth.

How do you handle rejection?

photo credit: Heart of the ocean via photopin (license)

Why Rejection Will Always Hurt

origin_494169708

I don’t know how I can sum up almost an entire year of my life in one post, it’s hard to. Thinking about the past nine months of my life is hard to put in words. Imagine feeling the weight of an entire year, heavy on your heart, and not having courage to put words to screen, paper, anything. I’ve neglected so many things in my life because for nine months everything grew cold, my heart hardened, my faith shakened, and it was all because of rejection.

Under the surface this is what it boils down to. I replay the past nine months of my life like clock work, I replay it over and over again in my mind, my heart, and in every moment since then, all I can feel is rejection. Over a year ago I tried to convince myself rejection was a blessing and rejection was respect. I believed those words when they were written and I tried to convince myself I wouldn’t allow rejection to define any area of my life ever again. But I was  fooling myself and more importantly, I fooled you.

Deep down I knew rejection and I would meet again, I just figured it’d be under different circumstances. Not from someone who swore to God, to me, and to whoever asked said I was the “One.” It was this same person who though was honest, broke my heart. It wasn’t the breaking up part, it was what happened afterward. He moved on quickly to another woman and now I’m invisible, non-existent.

There are so many days when I blame myself, I compare myself, and I think of all the ways I continuously fall short in ever being wanted and enough for a man. It’s hard for me to look at myself in the mirror and be okay with the woman staring back knowing in my heart, I’m not what men want.

I wake up everyday believing I’m not good enough for any one and it hurts because I know it’s a lie straight from  hell. 

Most people search their entire life for love and most die without ever really finding it. I don’t want to be one of those people. I want to be loved, I starve for it. But not to the point of compromising my beliefs and morals to settle.

Everyone says, the love of the Lord should be enough to sustain us. Honestly, this just places a band-aid on a gaping wound. Yes, the love of the Lord should be enough for us but most of us secretly want to be unconditionally and wholeheartedly loved. And rather than be patient for it, we search, we settle, and we compromise.

Rejection will always hurt because we’ve all believed the lie we’re unworthy of someone else’s love and acceptance. 

I don’t have enough words of encouragement for any one who has ever been rejected. Every single person from my past and recent present have all moved on to either marriage or are currently in committed relationships. I feel the weight of rejection heavy in those moments when I realize everyone has moved on.

Rejection will always hurt because we’ve entrusted our identity and security in what others’ think about us and do to us than in the One who can and will use it all for our good and His glory.

….. I’m just waiting for Him to.

photo credit: Sebastiano Pitruzzello (aka gorillaradio)cc

Rejection is Respect

 large_3032130979

Rejection has followed me in every area of my life and I’ve been unable to escape it until now. 

If I wasn’t rejected because of my appearance, I was rejected for other reasons. At this point in my life, I can honestly say I’ve kicked rejection in its face. I will not let rejection define me or my life any more.  I’ve said this affirmation to myself in the past year repeatedly. I felt the more I told myself this truth, I’d start believing it. But it seemed the rejection continued to follow me until I came to a point where I had enough. I’m at this point now. I’m tired of letting rejection define my life and relationships. 

I feel free from the weight of rejection because I have others in my life who are willing to support and carry me. When the burden of rejection weigh me down and I can’t see anything past my own hurt, they lift me higher.

I was always the ‘secret friend’ in others’ life. I was friends with someone for three years whose family and other friends knew nothing about me. If I wasn’t rejected because of my appearance, I was rejected because of my location. It seemed to be one thing after another.  Then a year ago, I had a light bulb moment.

Rejection isn’t rejection, it’s respect.

What we think and feel is rejection from someone else, it’s really respect. This was a difficult truth for me to understand, but God helped me see rejection in a different way. All the times in my life when I was rejected, it wasn’t the person rejecting me the person, it was respect.  They knew they could never offer me what they knew I needed most in my life and they were protecting me from themselves. They respected me enough to walk away.

People can only offer the parts of themselves they’re willing to give. Even when we’re willing to receive what they have to offer, most people still keep a lot of themselves protected. Past hurt and brokenness do that.

And you know what? It’s not our fault. Others’ rejection isn’t our fault, it’s not even theirs. We all have a past buried to deep to move on from, wounds too deep that have yet to heal, and the list continues. But there comes a point in our life when we have to stop letting others’ rejection define us and where God has us in life right now. Because it’s not us, it’s not them, it’s history and history can’t be removed or erased. But it’s not our history, it’s theirs.

When I look at rejection for what it is, it’s a lie. Respect is truth. It’s the truth in knowing God has something better in mind for our life than we can ever imagine or think possible. When we open our eyes and hearts to the possibility that God removes others’ from our life to bless us with better, it changes everything.

This truth changed me. Knowing the people who walked away didn’t reject me, but respected me enough to walk away so God could clear the way for better in my life, all I can do is sit here in praise and thanks. I’m thankful, so thankful. When we take the blame off ourselves, take the blame off the other person, and give God praise and thanks for allowing it to happen, it changes our perspective. It changed mine.

I am grateful for the people in my life who accept me and who are willing to tell others about me and the way God has crossed our paths, people who have been unashamed and unafraid to make me known. This is the better God was preparing me for and I’m thankful for the rejection that brought me here.

We have to learn to respect and accept God’s decision to remove the people He does from our life so we can live the abundant life He is calling us to.

God knows best and while His best may not always make sense, it’s for the better. Learn to respect and accept His better. You won’t regret it.

I haven’t.

Are you still letting rejection define your life?

#heartcheck

photo credit: I likecc

Trash to Treasure

large_4689167545

Used

Dirty

Rejected

Regret

Trashed

These lies have been swirling around in my head the past few days. I’ve been in a funk. It’s been up and down, but mostly down. You know, the last thing I want or need right now is any one to feel sorry for me. Because honestly, despite this, I’m thankful. How can I not be?

God is so faithful, even in my funks. 

But, I feel used. I’m embarrassed for the way I carried myself for those two years. How I willingly let someone completely wreck my heart and life. We crossed boundaries, boundaries which should never be crossed between two unmarried people. I can’t look back on any of that and be proud of those two years. Right now, I’m looking back in regret.

I don’t regret the experience, I regret the wounds that followed.

Though I’m hurting right now, I know God has been with me since the beginning. When my judgment was clouded then, I see clearly now. He is turning every regrettable moment into something good. When I feel dirty and used, He reminds me I’m still His. There’s a purpose in all of this. I admit my weaknesses openly because it’s exhausting trying to hold myself above water on my own. I can’t do it alone.

But, Jesus is my hope. When “You weren’t worth it. You weren’t good enough.” flood my heart and mind, He reminds me I’m enough, I will always be enough.

We are worth more than anything someone has done to us in our past.

We are treasured and valued.

God will take any ugly, dirty, and regrettable experience from our past or present and make it beautiful.

We’re treasured forever.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end

photo credit: Dead Aircc

How to Recover from Rejection

 

“I know that when a door closes, it can feel like all doors are closing. A rejection letter can feel like everyone will reject us. But a closed door leads to clarity. It’s really an arrow. Because we cannot go through that door, we will go somewhere else. That somewhere else is your true life.” 
― Tama J. Kieves

Rejection hurts.

Regardless of which end of rejection we fall on, rejection hurts. A few months ago I wrote a post about rejection and how it was God’s way of protecting us. Everything is in God’s timing and His plan for our life. But I don’t want to lie and tell any of you that the hurt from rejection goes away over night. Sometimes when we think we’re over ‘it’ something happens and it opens old wounds that we we have quietly slid under the rug hoping they have healed.  There are ways to recover from rejection without force and denying how we really feel.

Forgive the person who rejected you.

It is in our human nature to get back at the person who rejected us. We want to tell them off out of temporary hurt and get the last word, but harboring bitterness over the person who rejected us does more damage than the initial rejection. Honestly, if the person who rejected us has moved on with their life,  it’s a  sign we need to move on too. We need to forgive them.   Forgiveness doesn’t mean we excuse or accept what was done to us, but it sets us free from the bondage of hurt feelings and hate.  Hold all negative thoughts captive and choose forgiveness. 

Pray for the person who rejected you.

God wants us to handle rejection with love and compassion. Even if we don’t feel very loving or compassionate towards this person, we should still pray for them.  I pray for the person who rejected me daily. When I pray for this person it helps put God’s plan for my life in better perspective. All of my prayers are spoken and in my conversations with God, I see the situation with better clarity. I know God is still working through me and is allowing me to see things from the reality of His truth and not the lies of my insecurities. Prayer has the power to heal. Pray for the person who rejected you and watch God heal you from the inside out.

Focus on Jesus’ approval.

Our value is not based on man’s approval, but on Jesus.  We don’t have to work for His approval, because we are His and He loves us.  Jesus always approves of us because He created us and we were important enough to die for. We don’t have to fight to earn His approval, He already does. For two years I fought for this guy to love and accept me. Not only was it emotionally taxing but it was discouraging and disappointing. That’s what happens when we try and find approval from anyone other than Jesus. Even if we don’t feel loved in return, the Lord will fill us with a love that is incomparable to anything or any one we have ever known. In Jesus we are worthy and unconditionally loved and the only person we need approval from is Him.

1 Peter 2:4

4 As you come to him, the living Stone —rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him—

Have you ever been rejected?

How did you recover from it?

Rejection Is God’s Protection

 

photo: Rejected love on Brighton Beach

 

I have been rejected a lot in my life. Whether it was being passed over for possible promotions or relationships, I have felt the pain of rejection. Most of the rejection in my life has been with potential relationships.

Looking back, I realize that God was protecting me.

At the time I never considered that the people I was pining over were wrong for me, it just felt right. One thing I am learning as I am growing in my faith is that just because something feels right, doesn’t always make it right. I’ve always followed my heart more than my gut. Usually if my gut told me something, I ignored it and followed my heart instead. This is where things began to get complicated and messy.  I was trying to force pieces to fit that simply were not there. 

Over the summer my heart was broken. I was rejected and I was a wreck. It took a while for me to come to terms with everything going on around me and coming to a place where I completely sought God to pull me out of my emotional mess.

God pulled me out of my emotional mess and He protected me.

God was protecting me from myself. I realized that the person didn’t reject me as a person, they were rejecting the way I was treating them.  It had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me.  I needed to change.  Honestly, looking back on those few months, I am glad it happened. Had it not, I wouldn’t have learned how to treat others better, how to forgive, and what it meant to be a better Me through the power of Christ.

It takes more than the power of feelings to over come rejection, it takes the power of God.

Rejection isn’t so bad when we stop and realize why we are rejected. Most of the time when we are rejected it is either fear of the other person or it simply just isn’t the right person or the right time.

Everything is in God’s timing.

If you have ever been rejected, know that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with God’s plan for your life.

God is protecting you, let Him.

Psalm 91

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High  will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

When someone rejects you its just God’s way of saying, “I have something better in mind for you, you just have to wait a bit longer and don’t lose hope.”

When was the last time you were rejected?

Black Clouds of Condemnation

 

 

Black clouds they rain down
But they can’t kill the sun

 Romans 8

There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Condemnation is a lot like a black cloud that looms over our life. Whether we are depressed or just feel like we aren’t good, we can be reminded in the first verse of Romans 8 that the black cloud of condemnation doesn’t have to loom forever. Through that verse, we are able to see ourselves as God sees us and think of ourselves as God thinks of us. No condemnation doesn’t mean we are perfect, that we don’t make mistakes or that we don’t sin.  What does it mean?

God isn’t angry with us.

God understands our struggles with sin and He has compassion. God doesn’t kick us when we are down, He rescues us. He cares about us even when we get caught up in sin. When we find ourselves caught in the lightning bolt of sin, we need to look to God’s tender love and light.  If we always think and believe God is angry with us, we will never go to the only one who can help us.

God doesn’t punish us.

God sometimes corrects us and disciplines us to do what is right, but He never punishes us. When we feel guilty, we start believing that everything that is going wrong in our life is some form of punishment from God. God disciplines our life in order for us to change. He is not out to get or punish us, He is out to grow us.

God doesn’t reject us.

God will never forsake us. The idea of condemnatioin can be a cold hard stare of rejection from God. When we condemn someone, we turn our back on them and ignore them. God will never cut us out of His family. The one who shouldered our sins on the cross will never give us the cold shoulder.  We will never get te silent treatment from God.

God doesn’t keep His blessings from us.

There are consequences to our sins but God doesn’t cut us off from His blessings. Being in Christ means we have given our heart to Him and that we have trusted Him for our life. The secret to being in no condemnation is being in Christ. God gave us the promise of change because we are in Christ.  Condemnation will never work to change us.

If God doesn’t condemn us, who are we to condemn ourselves?

Prayer:

Lord, Thank You that because I am in Christ, You are not angry with me. You are not out to punish me. You will not reject me and You will not keep Your blessings from me. Forgive me for the times when I brought condemnation on myself instead of looking to You for forgiveness. When I recognize there is no condemnation, it doesn’t mean I am perfect or that I don’t desperately need the forgiving power  in the cross from Christ. When I say there is no condemnation, I am recognizing what You did for me. Thank You for Your noncondeming love for me. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.