This week’s song is “My Immortal” by Evanescence. I first heard this song when it was first released and it was one of those songs that never got old regardless of how many times it was played. I remember being at my lowest point in life and hearing it and it spoke to the inner depths of my soul. I was depressed and it became my “life soundtrack.” A close friend of mine even told me every time she heard this song, it reminded her of me. At the time I didn’t know how to take that, but looking back nine years later, she was right.
As I listen to the lyrics, it reminds me of who I used to be too. Nine years later and I am in a completely different stage in my life. Yet, this song still resonates with me. It reminds me of all I’ve been through in the past nine years and what I still have to get through.
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
‘Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone
These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase
The presence of my past still lingers and it won’t leave me alone. There are so many wounds that still need to be healed, so many scars that are still at the surface of my heart. I am reminded of them daily. Regardless of the time that passes, there is just too much that time can’t change, because the past will always be there … lingering.
When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
Nine years ago, I didn’t have a relationship with God and maybe that was why I was so broken and scarred. A lot was going on in my life during that time and there was a brief period when I wouldn’t come out of my room. I was literally at the bottom and saw no light. However, looking back I know now that God was with me the entire time. When I cried myself to sleep all those nights, He was there. When I was screaming inside for “Help” He extended His hand to me and when I ignored it, He was still there … lingering … waiting. Nice years later, He now has all of me.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
“My Immortal” is about the death of a loved one or losing someone close to you. Nine years ago, I was lost within myself and saw no way out. Nine years later, I am no longer bound by the person I used to be, but bound by a life that matters. While the ghost of my past still lingers, the life I have now is the one I’ve had all along, one that was lingering and waiting. I am bound by Christ and the life He sacrificed for me.
I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
But though you’re still with me
I’ve been alone all along
Though remnants of my past still remain and will always be with me, I am not alone. Even when I felt alone nine years ago, I was never alone.
God was with me all along.