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This week’s song is ”Counting Stars” by Augustana. I haven’t been a big fan of them for long, but this week’s song definitely hits the mark. I am in a weird season right now in my life. There is a lot of uncertainty in my life at the moment, but one thing is certain – my faith in God will not be shaken. He’s all I’ve got.

Everything has a reason
Everything has a start
Anything that ever burned
Had a spark
Anything I ever wanted
Anyone I ever needed
Always seemed to leave me standing in the dark

Everything happens for a reason. It’s a truth I tell myself daily and those words have been my life motto for as far back as I can remember. The hardest part about realizing the truth that everything happens for a reason is accepting change. Being able to accept that fact that nothing stays the same forever and most things that start never have the chance to fully grow. Anything that has ever hurt me started off strong, it started with a “spark” and then out of no where, without warning the spark was gone.  Here I am two years later standing in the dark of what used to be trying to embrace change and move on with my life.

Suddenly I’m caught in your light
Opened the door, and you stepped inside
And I’m watching the hours
Looking for reasons
Find that I’m missing every beat of your heart
‘Til you’re back in my arms,
I’ll be waiting up, counting the stars
Counting the stars

Almost a year ago I let God into my life. A year later and He’s in my life full force. He never ceases to amaze me at the way He always shows up when I least expect it. When I find myself being pulled into the direction of my past looking for all the reasons of why things came to be, I miss what is important – God’s love for me. Every move I make is in rhythm to His heart and I’m here because He loves me. I don’t need to count the stars and wish for things that may one day be, I need to start embracing the now before I miss more of my life hoping for things that will never be.

Nothing could ever touch us
Nothing gonna shake my faith
Nothing in this big, bad world will ever take you away
Like a rolling hurricane
Nothing’s standing in our way
Full of life, full of grace, in a perfect place

Nothing can touch me, I’m right where God wants me. My faith can’t be shaken when I hold on to that truth.  No amount of heart break or disappointment is ever going to take God away from me. He will never leave or forsake me. Let that truth rest easily in the depths of your heart and resonate in your soul. You’re not alone. Nothing is standing in the way of God’s love for us but ourselves. Full of life, full of grace, we are  where God wants us and He’s perfecting the season we’re in.

Counting the stars
I’ll be waiting ’til you’re back in my arms

Don’t count stars or wish for things that may never happen, embrace the now. I spend a lot of time thinking about “What might be” and it leaves me disappointed. I may not be happy with everything, but I place my hope and faith in God. God will never leave or forsake me and when I find myself trying to run away from what I know in my heart is true, He calls me right back where I belong.

Back in His arms.

This week’s song is “The Unwinding Cable Car” by Anberlin.  I first heard Anberlin sometime in late 2006 and when their album “Cities” was released, I remember having the album on repeat for hours at a time. Tonight this song resonates with heavily and really for a majority of the week. Earlier in the week I posted Emotionally Unstable & Finding Stability, and this song pretty much sums up those thoughts perfectly.

Emotive unstable you’re like an unwinding cable car
Listening for voices, but it’s the choices that make us who we are
Go your own way, even seasons have changed just burn those new leaves over
So self-absorbed you’ve seemed to ignore the prayers that have already come about

My emotions have been very unstable this week, unwinding and spiraling out of control. I kept listening to lies the enemy was trying to force feed into my mind making me believe they were true that I chose momentarily to tune out the voice of reason; God’s voice.  I chose to tune out what I know in my heart is true and that’s God’s word. It is our choices that make us who we are and when we are led by our emotions we are choosing to let the enemy win. It was easy for me this week to be so self-absorbed in my problems that I was forgetting to pay attention to what was going on around me. I was neglecting God’s presence and the unbelievable way He has answered every single prayer this week and continuously blesses me when I don’t deserve it.

This is the correlation of salvation and love 
(Don’t drop your arms)
Don’t drop your arms, I’ll guard your heart
With quiet words I’ll lead you in

That is the selfless way God loves and saves us. By God’s salvation we are saved  and He quietly leads us back where we belong, in His grace. God has us right where He wants us and He is guarding every part of who we are; our hearts and our minds. Every part of our life is in His control.

Backing away from the problem of pain you never had a home
You’ve been misguided, you’re hiding in shadows for so very long
Don’t you believe that you’ve been deceived that you’re no better than… 
The hair in your eyes, it never disguised what you’re really thinking of

 

I am not going to lie and say I’m not hurting right now because I am. However, it is through my hurt and in the pain that I find healing in Christ. He is my comfort, He is home. It’s easy for me to try and hide behind my mask of brokenness and blow off my feelings like they’re nothing. That’s foolish and it’s deceptive. All of us are broken and we can only disguise it for so long before it starts to tear us down, layer by broken layer. 

You’re so brilliant, don’t soon forget
You’re so brilliant, grace marked your heart

Whatever you’re going through right now, know you’re not alone. You’re brilliant in the eyes of God because by His grace you are saved and protected. His grace is sufficient and it sustains us through our brokenness and our unstable emotions. It’s easy at times to forget the incomparable way God loves us and works in our life. He always comes through and by His grace, His power is made perfect in our weaknesses. When we are at our lowest, that is when God does His best work in us.

Grace marked your heart (With quiet words I’ll lead you in and out of the dark)

God always rescues us from our darkest times. It was in my lowest point in life that God saved me. He led me into His light and out of darkness. His grace is sufficient to sustain through the darkest times that seem prevalent right now.

With quiet words I’ll lead you in

God quietly led me where I always needed to be, in the heart of grace.

This week’s song is “Gravity” by Sara Bareilles. I first heard “Gravity” in 2008.  When I first heard this song it always made me think about a pseudo relationship or guys in my life who have bailed on me.  Sometimes it was a single thought that opened an old wound and I was right back to that familiar feeling of what used to be.  Four years later this song resonates with me differently,  in a much deeper way.

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.

When I think about “Gravity” and where I am now in my life, I think about my relationship with God. For years I tried denying how desperately I needed His presence in my life.  Deep in my heart I knew God was the missing piece and it never took long for me to realize it.  For years I ignored the ache, but regardless of where I was in my life, I always came back to the same thought, “God, I need You. I know You hear me, save me.”  No matter how many times I tried to fight it and moved forward with my life, I still felt Him with me, even when I was too far gone.

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

You never know how weak you are until you find yourself trying to stand tall against God. He knows our weaknesses even when  try and deny them. For years I denied my weaknesses, I tried being strong when inside I was falling apart. God knew and He knows. He was on to me and my fragile life was covered by His love and grace. No longer do I feel the need to pretend. God accepts my weaknesses and through my reliance on Him, He gives me strength I never knew I had.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down

At times my stubborn will has tried fighting against what I know in my heart is right. When I find myself trying to fight against God and His will for my life, He puts me back in my place – in prayer. I pray more than I ever have in my life because I know that when I don’t I’m giving God the impression that I don’t need Him and that my life is okay without Him. God is not my friend or enemy, He is my life. He keeps me down on my knees in constant prayer and He doesn’t let me do anything alone.

You’re on to me, on to me, and all over…
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

When I try standing on my own and doing things my way, God always calls me back to Him, reminding me that without Him,  I am nothing. Without Him, I can’t do anything.  It never takes too long for me to fall at His feet of mercy and ask for His forgiveness and grace.  Then I remember, He does all those things willingly without asking. 

He has my life covered and I’m right where I belong.

This week’s song is “I Am a Stone” by Demon Hunter. I have been a fan of Demon Hunter since 2005 and every album resonates  with me. I was thankful to be introduced to this album in the middle of the week and this song really touched a chord in me. For the words that I can’t speak .. the words I can’t say … this song says them all.

To say that this week has been hell would be an understatement. Usually I can just let things roll off my back and be okay. I can stand firm on the foundation of my faith and not be shaken. This week though things changed. Things were said and done that I will probably not forget for the rest of my life. Some things in life can’t be forgotten and this … those words won’t be forgotten.

I Fight These Words, I Bite My Tongue
So I Don’t Lie

Though It’s Me to Blame
There is No More Shame in Me
In Me…

I Just Feel the Same
Immune to All This Pain
And the Scars Don’t Write a Song for Me At All…

I Am a Stone, Unaffected
Rain Hell Down Onto Me
Flesh and Bone, Unaffected
Your Fool I Will Not Be

Since Monday I have been under Satan’s attack. It’s been one thing after another. All I could do was stand still as a stone and take it. Satan rained his hell down on me and like I stone I took his attacks. To say I wasn’t affected would be a lie, but I’m used to this. I’m used to being so strong in my faith and then out of no where something happens that steals my light. I’m immune and numb to the pain and there aren’t enough scars that can tell my story.

I blamed myself and I felt like this was my fault and I didn’t trust God enough. All those thoughts from a year ago came raining down on me, feelings of being punished and because of my lack of trust in God’s work, He was punishing me. Satan’s lie.

That Hollow Lie Against My Hope That I Won’t Buy

Then I realized this wasn’t my fault and it has nothing to do with me. This is life. I can choose to stand defeated or I can stand and fight. Because my hope rests in the Lord and I know in my heart He’s with me.  No, Satan, your fool I will not be.  Your hollow lies against my hope in the Lord, I will not buy.

The Waters Rise Above My Eyes
I Will Breathe It In and Go Out With the Tide
And When You Think This is The End
You Will Find Me There Where I Have Always Been

When I felt like this week couldn’t get any worse, it did. I felt like I was drowning and I had no one there to rescue me.  So I sucked it up, I took a breath and I went with it. I took the attacks and when I reached the end, when it was over …  I found God there. I found Him where He’s always been.  Where He’ll always be.

Like a stone by my side.

This week’s song is “Set Fire to the Rain” by Adele. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve played this song on repeat for the past six months. Every single time it resonates with me in a different way and this week it resonated with me in such a powerful way it can’t be conveyed through words. But, I’ll try.

I let it fall, my heart,
And as it fell you rose to claim it

Almost two years ago I let my heart fall hard. It didn’t happen quick but when it happened there was no turning back. What I’ve learned from that experience is that regardless of how many times I allow my heart to fall, only one person in my life will ever claim it as His.

Jesus.

When He died on the cross for our sins, that was the ultimate sacrifice. And when my heart fell merely two years ago it was a part of myself that I was sacrificing to someone and saying, ”Here is my heart, take it .. it’s yours forever.” Because when I commit, I commit and there is no turning back.

That heart you caught must be waiting for you
Even now when we’re already over
I can’t help myself from looking for you.

The heart that fell is still waiting, because there is a voice inside me saying“Hold On.” And even though there will always be a part of me that will reminisce about what could have been and what may still be, it’s not something that I focus on any more. Because the same heart that fell two years ago is now in God’s hands.

My hands, they’re strong
But my knees were far too weak,
To stand in your arms
Without falling to your feet

I’m strong on the outside, but on the inside I am falling apart. Every fallen piece is now at God’s feet ready to be pieced together. I’ve fallen at His feet and say, “Lord, here is my heart, take it, it’s Yours forever.”  Because when Jesus died on the cross for you and me, it was already His.

When I lay with you
I could stay there
Close my eyes
Feel you here forever
You and me together
Nothing is better

When I close my eyes, I feel Him with me and nothing in this world  will ever compensate for that feeling of comfort. He’s with me and we’re together for eternity. There is nothing better. 

I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Where it felt something die
‘Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time

I’m setting fire to my past and moving forward. While a part of me is dying in the process, this is the last time. Every single broken piece of my heart is now in God’s hands and every part of my past is burning in the flames.

Let it burn.

Music is therapeutic.  In the past few months I have been introduced to different genres of music and bands. I have started branching out and discovering that any music that glorifies God, speaks to the soul, or says everything that you wish you could in lyrics that can’t be expressed in words, is therapeutic.

Every Saturday I have decided to highlight the “Song of the Week.” The songs I choose each week are going to range in genre and content.   My music preference and style has always been eclectic.  Meaning you won’t see the same band or genre each week.

These are songs that I have listened to on repeat daily and I feel they should be shared.

My love is music  I will marry melody 

This week’s song is “Where You Go I Go” by Jesus Culture.  I stumbled across them in my Twitter timeline and have been hooked since.  This particular song has resonated a lot with me this week.

God is always good.

When the world around us is broken,  He is always good and He’s always there. We can’t make it in this world without Him.  When the world soon forgets who Jesus is and what He did, we wont.  We can’t.  When He dwells so deeply in us, we won’t be shaken.

Every move that Jesus made was in surrender and we can’t live without Him.