Over three years ago, I lost who I thought was the love of my life. Over three months ago, I attempted to date again and failed. It’s hard to put in words what’s happened in my life over the past few months. Hence, why I’ve been quiet.

It’s hard to separate faith over our feelings, isn’t it? This is probably why I’ve struggled in my dating life and struggled with a person from my past reentering my life after a few months of silence. I knew the door would reopen itself, I just didn’t know when.

For the first time in almost three years though, I’m the one who walked away and closed the door permanently. It wasn’t because I was hurt or bitter, it wasn’t out of resentment or jealousy. It was about respect and realizing I deserve better. I will never deny my feelings for Jeremy or the connection we had through the Holy Spirit. I thank God every day for the lessons I learned and continue to learn through it and will do so until the day I die. This was a man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. A man who I love unconditionally despite the fact he continued to walk in and out of my life when he wanted and abandoned our friendship for other women.  This last time though, something inside me shifted. The light finally cut on.

The light of Jesus always exposes darkness.

We can have all the faith in God we want, we can love Him with our whole heart, but when we repeatedly hurt those closest to us and conceal and compartmentalize parts of our life, it’s not okay. No matter the reason, there’s no excuse for deception, major or minor. This doesn’t only involve romantic relationships but friendship too.

The desires of our hearts will never be met without Jesus. He has to be in everything. We say with our mouths God is in the center of our life and relationships, but is He really? I can honestly say, every time He was in the center of mine, the relationship wasn’t comfortable or easy.

A Godly relationship will help us confront difficult places. We should date and marry someone who not only helps us confront it but comes along side of us and helps us to be better. If you’re someone who doesn’t like confrontation, check your pride.

Jesus washed the feet of all 12 of His disciples, even Judas, the one who would eventually betray Him. Jesus laid His life down for His friends. I want the kind of relationships where we’re unafraid to lay our lives down for each other and the only way to have this of kind of relationship is when our natural self surrenders itself and dies.

In September, I walked away from an unhealthy relationship, one where my morals were continuously compromised. Last week, I walked away from a relationship that ended long before I finally had the courage to. The answer was there the whole time, but love is blind. Thankfully though, God’s love illuminates everything. I trust God’s plan over my feelings and trust the truth of His Word over fickle relationships.

God doesn’t want us in dead end relationships. He brings people together for a reason but both have to be in agreement with each other and ultimately God (Amos 3:3).  If there’s no agreement, it’s okay to walk away.

Know this, no matter what others say or do to us, God is still God. He is still the One who knows what’s best for us. We don’t. We never will. His ways are always better than ours. So, my prayer for myself and for you, is that we will always test everything according to His Word and pray for discernment. Be a person of integrity in public and in private. Love people. Really love them and let His love lead your relationships.

This past week I’ve learned the value of friendship and how important it is to have people in our life who genuinely care about us and who put others first. They think of themselves very little and always puts others’ needs above their own. They walk in love daily without realizing it.

We can only be lead by the love of Jesus if our lives our truly being led by Him. It’s okay to walk away from people who claim to follow Jesus but don’t love others the way He does. 

I’m still learning how to do the last part and with the help of God I’ll get there. I know my future relationships will be better for it and so will yours.

In Jesus and with love,

Julie