For the past few years, my relationships with other people have felt lackluster. Lately, there’s only really been one person who has really been there for me. They take initiative without having to ask. Which made me think how important it is for us to have people like this in our life.

Most of my life, I’ve always been the giver in my relationships. Until recently, I’ve been thinking more about why I’m this way. I didn’t have a rotten childhood, but I know when I needed attention or affection from people I wanted it, I was met with rejection. When I was given attention, it wasn’t the right kind. It was only given to make themselves feel better in fleeting moments. The more I’ve exposed myself to the idea of a relationship and what it means, I know I appreciate when other people take initiative with the right intention and motives.

When people take initiative, it shows they care. This one is really a no brainer. We invest our time in things we love and care about. When people put forth effort into a relationship, it shows they actually care about the relationship and you.

I know my motives with my past relationships haven’t always been right. I thought if I did all the right things, they would love me more. But, we don’t need to work to earn someone’s love. Real love is freely given. What people freely give shows what they really care about.

I’ve always told myself I would never settle for less than I deserve, no one should. But God has been telling me something different lately. If I want others to be more attentive, loving, and to invest in our relationship, I need to do the same. I can’t expect from others what I don’t do myself.

Honestly, I’ve gotten lazy. Most of my meaningful relationships in life have fallen apart because I gave up. I stopped wanting to put forth the effort because the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. So, I did what most people would do. The moment there were inconsistencies, I walked away. I don’t regret it, but I’ve had to take a very hard look at myself and character. The truth is, relationships take work and the more I think about the kind of work it takes, I just want to be carried for a change.

In relationships, small things matter. When people take initiative in small things, when big stuff happens, they don’t freak out or bolt. How we handle small things says a lot how we handle the big stuff. 

I’ll be honest and say I’ve failed more lately at this relationship stuff than I have for most of my life. Knowing what I need from other people doesn’t always mean I’ll get those things. Which yes, can be very frustrating. But we can’t demand things from people. They have to give those things on their own. In the mean time, we have to give others what we  need/want from them even when it’s not reciprocated. This is what Jesus told me today and as much as I want to shake my head in disagreement and in pride, it’s His way and it’s right.

We need people in life who take initiative, but it starts with you.

How will you take initiative this week with the people who matter to you?

#heartcheck