This week’s song is “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye.  There is someone who used to be in my life that I want to dedicate this song to.  It’s been four months and I think I’ve been quiet long enough.

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

I can sit here and say that those two years were a complete waste of both of our time, but I’d be lying.  So how is it that after four months of being ignored can I sit here and still care at all? Because that was love and it’s an ache that I still remember.  If I could define the moment when I knew I loved you, it was that moment when I saw between the shallow parts of you and saw through you. I saw something in you that you didn’t see yourself; I saw you There were times it was messy and it didn’t make sense to any one involved but to you and me. Now here I am, completely removed from your life, nothing to you. You told me we’d always be friends, that you’d never ‘get rid of me’ and now I might as well be a stranger. It’s rough and it hurts.  And now you’re just somebody that I used to know.

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I’d done
But I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

I won’t lie, I feel pretty screwed over. My emotions are all screwed up and I have those two years to thank for that. In the first year after crap hit the fan I blamed myself. It was my fault. I said and did things I shouldn’t have. I paid for it. Then I realized it was never me or anything I did. You were still hung up on your ex. Somebody that you used to know.

Through our friendship and our time together I’ve come to harsh revelations about who I am. Because of your absence in my life I have restored and strengthened my relationship with God. I’m in a better place spiritually than I have ever been in my entire life. I feel like I can breathe again. The truth is, you never made me as happy as I thought you did. You only made me feel more lonely. Two broken people can’t make each other happy.

 And there lies the problem.

I feel too broken for someone to love me, really love me. You and I got along so well because we complemented each other in the areas where we were broken. Towards the end of our time together I felt God move the most in my life than I have in my entire life. I thought it was only strengthening what you and I had. I was wrong.  God was stretching and growing me because He knew our time was coming to an end and it was better for everyone involved. He wanted me to look back on those two years in hindsight and realize how far I’ve come and what I learned by you being there. He wanted me to look back at the person I used to be, the person I am now, and realize the person from before doesn’t matter.

God wanted me to realize that the somebody I am now, is why you’re the somebody I no longer need.