This week’s song is “Gravity” by Sara Bareilles. I first heard “Gravity” in 2008.  When I first heard this song it always made me think about a pseudo relationship or guys in my life who have bailed on me.  Sometimes it was a single thought that opened an old wound and I was right back to that familiar feeling of what used to be.  Four years later this song resonates with me differently,  in a much deeper way.

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.

When I think about “Gravity” and where I am now in my life, I think about my relationship with God. For years I tried denying how desperately I needed His presence in my life.  Deep in my heart I knew God was the missing piece and it never took long for me to realize it.  For years I ignored the ache, but regardless of where I was in my life, I always came back to the same thought, “God, I need You. I know You hear me, save me.”  No matter how many times I tried to fight it and moved forward with my life, I still felt Him with me, even when I was too far gone.

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

You never know how weak you are until you find yourself trying to stand tall against God. He knows our weaknesses even when  try and deny them. For years I denied my weaknesses, I tried being strong when inside I was falling apart. God knew and He knows. He was on to me and my fragile life was covered by His love and grace. No longer do I feel the need to pretend. God accepts my weaknesses and through my reliance on Him, He gives me strength I never knew I had.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down

At times my stubborn will has tried fighting against what I know in my heart is right. When I find myself trying to fight against God and His will for my life, He puts me back in my place – in prayer. I pray more than I ever have in my life because I know that when I don’t I’m giving God the impression that I don’t need Him and that my life is okay without Him. God is not my friend or enemy, He is my life. He keeps me down on my knees in constant prayer and He doesn’t let me do anything alone.

You’re on to me, on to me, and all over…
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

When I try standing on my own and doing things my way, God always calls me back to Him, reminding me that without Him,  I am nothing. Without Him, I can’t do anything.  It never takes too long for me to fall at His feet of mercy and ask for His forgiveness and grace.  Then I remember, He does all those things willingly without asking. 

He has my life covered and I’m right where I belong.