God, I know you can hear me and I know you’re here with me. Right now I need your love, comfort, and support. It seems right now in my life there are far more uncertainties than there are reassurances and right now I need to be reassured. I have lost a lot in my life and in the times where I thought I had it all, I was heavily disappointed when I realized in the end that I had nothing as long as I didn’t rely solely on YOU to get me through. I am at a crossroads right now in my life. Everything has essentially fallen apart around me. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Everyone is depending on me, people need me, and I feel like I am the one holding everyone together, while I am the one falling apart inside. It’s so easy for people to walk away from me without hesitation and complete disregard for the situation or my feelings. I have been verbally and emotionally attacked in the past month and I am at a complete loss.
There is so much anger and bitterness stored inside my heart and my soul is the only thing that lives inside me that tries to keep my heart in line and stay strong. I don’t have it in me any more God. I don’t have that drive inside me to be “okay.” My flame has burned out and I am tired God. I put on this facade that I am fine and I pretend I am strong, but I’m not. I need you now more than ever and I feel like you’re punishing me for my behavior and for my actions towards others. I know in my heart that isn’t true, but I know you’re testing me and my life right now and for what purpose or reason, I don’t know .. but for whatever reason, deep down I understand it.
I am hurting in the worst way possible right now and it seems like irregardless of the times I reach out, I fall short. No one understands me like You do. You’re my Creator and the person that guides the steps of my life. Even when the times in my life where I felt unbalanced, you were there for me to hold my hand and keep me from falling. I feel at this moment in my life I am falling. Falling slowly into the unknown and it scares me.
I have never been scared of anything in my life, so afraid that I didn’t know which way was up and what was going to happen. Right now I am scared. I am scared that I am going to ultimately fail You and continue letting down the people around me or who choose to surround themselves around me. I have become someone I don’t know any more. I live my day by day and never expect anything. I live my life with no expectations because I know I will ultimately end up disappointed. Looking back, the only disappointment has been myself.
I need love, comfort, and support. That is what I need and I know you’re the only person that can truly provide that to me in a genuine way. You are the only person in my life right now that genuinely cares about me and my well being without any expectation. You hold my feelings in high regard and are the only person that is going to get me through. I have never needed you as much as I need you right now in my life. I know I only come to you when things are going wrong. I think I have chosen to ignore everything, put other people’s happiness before my own and had refused to focus my attention on You and the love You continue to provide me throughout my life even when there is nothing but darkness that surrounds me.
I know I have failed you, I have failed myself. But, I am turning to You and entrusting my life in Your hands. I am not perfect and I have my faults. Those faults are what drives the people I care about most out of my life. But those same faults are the faults you have chosen to forgive me for. You are the only person who will ultimately save me and right now I need to be saved. Please guide my life and my steps. Please comfort me in my time of need, support me when I am troubled, and love me when no one else will. Please give me the strength to get through my days and focus on the things that are important. Please look after me and take care of me. I am lost God and right now I need to be saved. Please save me.