Nameless Ministries

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Here’s a little secret: For the past year, I’ve wanted a ministry. I’ve dreamed about starting my own Church. I had plans to start my own in December of last year. Well, things didn’t work out the way I wanted and now I know why.

Jesus left us the legacy of Himself and we’re to follow in His footsteps with love. We don’t need another ministry, Church, or cause to be lights in the world because the light is already within us.

There are a few ministries I support and am actively involved in because I support the message. But, I’m more concerned with the people behind them and their stories. 

If there are people supporting a ministry and its message, we should make every attempt to be actively and intentionally involved in their life. Not weekly but daily.

This reminds me of a recent conversation I had with a friend about Church. It seems the larger the Church, the wider the gap between us and each other. There is no relationship outside the pulpit and pews. My friend ran into two people over the weekend who attend their Church, but they didn’t recognize them because the Church is so large. This is a sad reality that is prevalent in our Christian culture and we need to close the gap.

But how do we do this? We first need to recognize we’re too busy starting ministry after ministry and not spending enough time being intentional. Any difference a ministry makes lies solely in its people, not the name or brand.

Behind every ministry are faces and these faces matter. The more intentional we are with these faces and their hearts, what we accomplish in our ministries, Church, and cause will have deeper impact. We have to be equally focused and intentional, not for success or recognition, but to leave a legacy of glory for Jesus on His behalf.

Jesus was intentional with every life He came in contact with while He walked on earth. It’s time we start living by His standard and simplicity of how to do ‘successful ‘ministry.

Less name, more love

ALL Him.

John 3:30

30 He must increase, but I must decrease. [He must grow more prominent; I must grow less so.]

What do you think?

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Refueling Our Passions

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I always loved writing. It didn’t matter how tired or what was going on in my life, I always found time to write. I wrote consistently for four years straight, daily. I wrote about my day, life, and let my fingers do their magic without skipping a beat.

I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed writing until I started slacking.

These past few months have been a whirlwind. I wouldn’t even know where to start. Honestly, with everything going on, I lost my passion for writing. I lost my voice. But, God knew I needed the time away and honestly, I did too. I never wanted this space to be a platform, I wanted this space to be an outlet. But, it became a platform the minute things I wrote gained popularity. And honestly, I hated the spotlight. I needed to take a break and it was probably the best thing I could have done this season. But, it’s time to move forward and it’s time to refuel my passion in life.

Writing is my passion. I need release, an escape, and writing provides that. 

Sometimes I find myself going back to old blogs and seeing how carefree my writing was. Flawed, messy, me. And I miss it. I miss writing for the sole purpose of being me without editing and worrying I’ll say the ‘wrong’ thing. Because honestly, there’s nothing wrong with our voice. God has given us our gifts and each of us carry our own unique voice.

So, I’m refueling my passion by redefining my voice, redefining me. Messy and vulnerable, I want this space to reflect that. While every post has reflected every area of my life authentically, I need to stop living in everyone’s writing voice and utilize mine. Because honestly, I’ve been comparing and feeling like I’m falling short.

When we’re a Christian, the whole world watches in the shadows waiting our next move. Some are even watching and waiting for us to stumble. They’re waiting for us to falter because when we’re passionate about something, anything, people will either support it, or disagree and post or gossip about you. This, in itself is messy and unnecessary.

When this happens, refuse to give up. Giving up is and will never be an option.

The more time I’ve spent with God these past few months, He has reminded me of my gift. I’m growing in my knowledge daily that I’m here for purpose and so are you. If you have a passion for anything, refuel it.

Start, be consistent, and more importantly, don’t give up. Pursue your passion, whatever it is with all your heart.  Then watch God move and use you, because He will, He always does.

Romans 11:29

29 For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.

What are you passionate about?

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Trash to Treasure

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Used

Dirty

Rejected

Regret

Trashed

These lies have been swirling around in my head the past few days. I’ve been in a funk. It’s been up and down, but mostly down. You know, the last thing I want or need right now is any one to feel sorry for me. Because honestly, despite this, I’m thankful. How can I not be?

God is so faithful, even in my funks. 

But, I feel used. I’m embarrassed for the way I carried myself for those two years. How I willingly let someone completely wreck my heart and life. We crossed boundaries, boundaries which should never be crossed between two unmarried people. I can’t look back on any of that and be proud of those two years. Right now, I’m looking back in regret.

I don’t regret the experience, I regret the wounds that followed.

Though I’m hurting right now, I know God has been with me since the beginning. When my judgment was clouded then, I see clearly now. He is turning every regrettable moment into something good. When I feel dirty and used, He reminds me I’m still His. There’s a purpose in all of this. I admit my weaknesses openly because it’s exhausting trying to hold myself above water on my own. I can’t do it alone.

But, Jesus is my hope. When “You weren’t worth it. You weren’t good enough.” flood my heart and mind, He reminds me I’m enough, I will always be enough.

We are worth more than anything someone has done to us in our past.

We are treasured and valued.

God will take any ugly, dirty, and regrettable experience from our past or present and make it beautiful.

We’re treasured forever.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end

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When Falling in Love is Easy

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I’ve settled a lot in my life. I settled for what was comfortable and seemed ‘right’. I settled for the abusive relationship and the pseudo relationship where all the perks of the relationship were there, but the commitment wasn’t. I’ve had my heart broken more times than I care to look back and reflect on. And I realize looking back what was missing from each relationship; God, His Son, and the Holy Spirit.

We can’t force others to love us unconditionally and forever. If either of our relationships aren’t right with the Lord, it affects everything. We haven’t become whole persons and we aren’t complete in ourselves.

We can be happy. We can be whole persons. We don’t need men in our life to define our worth. Yes, we need prayer and we need each other. But we can’t let others create our happiness for us. We need the love of Christ to renew our hearts, create a new Spirit in us, and reveal to us the presence of the Lord is enough. 

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Time Heals Nothing

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“Time heals all wounds” is the most cliche’ response we can give to someone who is hurting.  I, too have said this to people who were deeply afflicted and struggling. Looking back, I wish I would’ve told them the truth; time heals nothing.

No matter how much time passes from our initial hurt, the hurt deepens and time only magnifies the pain.

These past few weeks have been a roller coaster for me. I learned some news recently and it stirred up all sorts of emotions; anger, hurt, and regret. Thing is, I prayed about it. I asked God for this and I guess a part of me was hoping for Him to respond differently.

I want to victoriously rise from this emotional battle, but the weight of my emotions pull me further down. 

I often look at others’ and wonder how they’re able to hold their head above water when it feels like I’m drowning. And this only adds to my hurt. I push against the current of life and it feels like I’m drifting further away from shore.

While every wound does take time to heal, some wounds never do. This is the reality we  face when we’ve been deeply afflicted.

I have my strong days. I have my down days. And there are days in between. I’m thankful for every trial, every memory, and every single person God has ever graced in my path. While temporary, I’ve learned more about myself through those experiences. I’ve learned what is okay, what’s not okay, and why God often removes the people He does from our life.

God removes  people He does from our life to replace them with someone better; Himself. While time alone hasn’t healed everything, God Himself will.

When it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under me and my eyes swell with tears, He is my comforter. He calms the raging storms of my heart and He heals — He’s the only who can.

Jesus wept and He never looks away from a crying heart.  When we hurt, He hurts. Time heals nothing but in Him, every tear is bottled and He identifies with our pain. 

God is our ultimate Healer.

Heal with me.

Psalm 51:17

17 What sacrifice I can offer You is my broken spirit
because a broken spirit, O God,
a heart that honestly regrets the past,
You won’t detest.

What are you still healing from?

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Are You All In?

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I’ve been relatively quiet lately. Reflective in my waiting, actively seeking God, and being obedient. Obedience isn’t an area of my relationship with God I was ever good with. I was living one way and behind closed doors I was sinning. I seemed to have all my crap together to the outside world but behind closed doors, I was falling apart and deep in my own sin.

I have to constantly remind myself to stay and remain in His presence. I need the reminder to remain obedient and seek Him in everything, whether big or small.  God needs to be the start, center, and finish. I need to be reminded of this because the enemy of our mind and hearts will use any level of distraction to keep us from this truth.

Nothing is hidden from God because He knows everything.

He knows the desires of our hearts. He knows when we’ll sin against Him. He knows our actions before we act.  Yet, we still try and do everything on our own power and strength; We believe we’re invincible. We try and conceal our most vulnerable parts from Him out of fear, guilt, and shame. If we’ve learned anything lately, it’s the fragility of life is more evident than ever. God reminds me daily I can’t do or be anything apart from Him and who He is.

Apart from God, we accomplish nothing because He is the source of our power and strength. You know the sin you’re still holding on to? God wants that. Your past you can’t let go of? Yeah, He wants that too.

God wants every part of us involved in His Kingdom. Every broken, bitter, ugly part, He wants us to give it willingly to Him. He wants us to be restored and healed. He wants our innermost being to be at peace. God wants us ALL IN with devoted hearts, minds, and souls.

John 15:5

5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

Are you all in? 

#heartcheck

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The Keeper

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The Keeper of my heart, keep me in Your will

Deep in your presence, Heaven breathe Your life in me

The Keeper of Your promises, keep me still

Set my eyes and heart on You above

Unhindered by the world’s insatiable thirst, keep me thirsty for You

The Keeper of my Spirit, keep me connected to You

Deeper into Your truth, deeper in You

The Keeper of my mind, break every frailty and iniquity

Apart from You, I’m nothing

The Keeper of me, keep me in You.

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How Involved Are You?

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I’m often sit in amazement how the world around me can be unmoved by the immeasurable grace and love of our Creator. I see it in Christians around me, the shame, fear, and guilt abound on top of trial after trial and unbelief sets in. I see them wax and wane between loving the Lord and mocking Him. Rinse. Repeat. The reality sets in, that we, as a body, the Church aren’t doing enough.

We’re here to finish what Jesus started and this friends is where we have drastically fallen short. We have used our faith as a formula and method to “get people to Jesus” and we’re missing the point.  

I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I’ve realized how more involved and intentional I want to be in the lives around me. Not because I want to save or rescue them but because I want to love others unconditionally without selfish motives. As I look around me I see where I’ve drastically fallen short.Truth is, it’s a lot harder loving others who can do nothing for you than it is to love others who are always there for you.

We have managed to make our faith more about a formula and method than about love. And this is where we’re all missing the mark.

We can read our Bibles, go to Church, and serve our hearts out, but all these things without love mean nothing. I think this is the most important thing God has taught me in this season of my life. I think it’s easier for all of us to talk a big game what it means to love people, but we aren’t actually doing it authentically. 

Being actively involved and intentional in someone’s life takes work and sacrifice and most people in our life aren’t really worth the effort or sacrifice.

I connect with a lot of different people but only 1-2 are really intentional in my life. We ask each other the hard stuff. We ask each other if we’ve sinned that day. Masturbation. Porn. Yeah, we go there. We sit and talk for hours about the Lord together. We pray for each other.  We challenge each other. We’re accountable to each other. And this should be a daily habit for all of us.

Why? Because this is what love really looks like when applied. Love gets and remains involved.

Look around you. Do you have someone in your life you can do these things with? If no, ask yourself why. The reality check for me was when I noticed how selfish I was with my love. It was only when the Lord completely broke me and humbled me of my selfish ways, I really begin to invest in others in an authentic way.

There is no formula to loving others, it just is and it gets involved.

Even the most impressive and sacrificial actions are worthless if they are not empowered by love.

How involved are you?

#heartcheck

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The Narrow Road

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Everything in my life felt right. I overcame a 16 year addiction; set free. Things were happening all around me, faith on fire, I was comforted; alive. Then suddenly things changed. The road felt right, but felt wrong. The conviction in my spirit paralyzed me. I had support, encouragement, doors opening left and right, I felt uplifted and momentarily comforted. But there was something unsettling in my spirit I couldn’t put my finger on.

The road I was on felt too easy and popular.

I could see the direction in front of me clearly but the path I was on felt wrong. And as I entered a new season, God kept telling me, convicting me, the road I was on wasn’t right. Everything was noisy and distracting. Voices filtered in and out of my mind but all I heard was the still voice of God telling me to get back on the right road; the narrow road.

Because the wider the road, it’s noisier and distracting. It’s more crowded, leaving less devoted time to God. 

As things started unfolding around me I realized how easily I was lured away from God’s voice and started listening to the wrong things. It was no longer me and God, it was me and everyone else. Which in itself isn’t wrong, but it is when we no longer hear the voice of God through the noise.

The narrow road for me has been challenging and rewarding. It has proven to be the better way for me and where God has me in this season for the following reasons:

  • The narrower the road, the more we’re attentive to what God is doing in and around our life.  I’m more attentive to His voice, guidance, and wisdom than I’ve been in previous seasons.
  • The narrower the road, there are more borders and boundaries. The border for me is God’s Word. Being on the narrow road helps us stay within His truth and word. I have read the Bible more this season than I have ever in my entire life and I can’t get enough.
  • The narrower the road, we’re more devoted and intimate in our relationship with God. Yes, sometimes this is lonely because it forces us to disconnect and focus solely on Him and tune everything and sometimes everyone out. Not because we’re unloving, but because God wants our attention. And sometimes the only way He can get ours is by removing distractions. Yes, sometimes our closest friends.
  • The narrower the road, we’re more likely to follow God’s Will instead of our own. I’ve been more obedient to His word, His voice, and His truth than I ever have in my entire time as a Christian because God slowed me down. I’m not in a hurry for what He is doing, I’m attentive and obedient. And this is where I’ve found the joy in waiting.
  • The narrower the road, we’re less likely to carry our baggage (past hurts, bitterness, unforgiveness, etc). It’s been on this narrow journey I’ve had to let go of the constricting areas of my life that have weighed me down. God told me if I wanted to follow Him this way, I needed to let go of everything hindering my walk with Him. For me, it was bitterness and an unforgiving heart. It was when I let those things go, He has led me deeper into His love and truth.

While being on the wider road felt right and free, it wasn’t. I was going down the wrong path because God got lost in the noise and crowd. I let others take the wheel of my own life and decided without thinking, their way was right. This truth convicted me and if I wouldn’t have been obedient, I would have missed His current blessings.

The narrow road hasn’t been easy and sometimes I have problems trusting, but I know this way is right. Not from leaning on my own understanding but staying in God’s truth and keeping my eyes focused on Him. This season has been different than past seasons because it’s just me and God.

The narrower the road, the less room there is for any one else but us and Him. Friends and companions are few on the narrow road. And I’m beginning to think this is the way it was meant to be.

Matthew 7:13-14

13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

What road are you on?

#heartcheck

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A Future and Hope

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This is such an odd season for me and it’s one I can’t explain. I’ve tried to find words for the past month and words fail me. There’s anticipation and excitement for the doors God is opening and revealing in my little introverted bubble. My perspective about faith is different than what it was a month ago.

I understand what faith in God really means.

We all pray for God’s plan for our life and our purpose. I do almost daily and He doesn’t answer me. Instead, He offers Himself because He doesn’t want anything from you or me. God wants us desperate for Him and His presence, not His promises. Did you catch that? 

God wants us desperate for Him and His presence, not just His promises.

It’s okay to pray for things we want, but we need to check our motives and the condition of our heart first. I used to pray specifically to God for things in my life I wanted; a significant other, a better job, more money, a vacation, etc. Obviously, you get the point. I used to pray for material things I felt were owed to me. I felt like I deserved all of it. God taught me an important lesson in my wanting. He doesn’t owe me anything, He just offers Himself.

God doesn’t owe you or me anything because He wants to be enough for us. Sadly, He isn’t enough for many of us because we use God like a barter system. We only love Him when we hope He will bless us and when He doesn’t, we damn Him.

This reality has been a huge heart check for me in this season. As I’m transitioning into a new season with new promises and hope, He promises me everything will be given to me if I seek Him first and love Him with all my heart and soul. Not because I expect anything in return, but because He’s my only hope; He’s enough.

God has plans for us but if our hearts are full of the world’s treasures and pleasures, He’s left standing outside.

God wants in.

Everyday He invites Himself to us, knocking on the door of our hearts desperately wanting us to open it for Him and only Him. It’s when we invite Him fully into our hearts, He fulfills His promises. Not because we deserve it, but because we love and trust Him through the process. God is the only true giver and He gave us this life so we can seek Him, know, and love Him.

This is all He wants and His love in return is far greater than anything we ever thought we needed.

God promised to give us a future and hope but what if our future and hope is only Him?

Would you still believe?

Matthew 6:33

33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

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A Woman’s Worth

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I won’t lie this season has been difficult. As I am transitioning into the unknown of what God will do next, I have often struggled to find my rhythm again. Admittedly, the feeling of worthlessness have sneaked in and I’ve felt more like a victim than a victor. I’ve been sorting through memories old and new and reliving them all over again. I’m writing this in the midst of another potential relationship gone sour because both of us failed to commit thanks to my insecurities and their pride.

For the past few months I’ve felt worthless. This feeling of not being good enough I can’t shake. It always finds me in moments of joy and never leaves in moments of defeat

Something is buried deep in every woman’s heart, in her soul, where someone or something made her feel worthless and I can sit here and replay every situation in my life where I felt this way. Worthless, fat, ugly, stuck, empty, I’ve been there. The worst moments of my life happened in the hands of others who swore they’d never abandon or hurt me. They promised to protect and love me forever.  

I fed into the lie maybe I deserved the abuse and abandonment. I wasn’t worth the investment because others saw through my tough exterior and didn’t like who they saw underneath; the real me.

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The Lie of Comparison

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I’m connected with different people from all walks of life. Thanks to social media and the internet, it’s easy to connect with any one from any part of the world. I love connecting with people, learning their story and following their journey. But, if I’m being honest, I’ve been living vicariously through them. Worst, I’ve been comparing myself to them. There’s a fine line between people who inspire us or connecting with others and start envying parts of their life.

I’m guilty of the latter.

It’s hard as an almost 30 year old to be single in a world where everyone’s life is displayed everywhere. Photos of engagement ring, check. Photos of wedding, check. Statuses about your honeymoon, check. Photos and statuses of how much they love their spouse/significant other, check. Yeah, it gets a little intimidating quick.

Insecurity and inadequacy settle in and make themselves comfortable in places we wish didn’t exist. 

All throughout my childhood I never felt good enough and even now as an adult I’m reminded of how little I’ve done with my life past a college degree. This was my only huge accomplishment. Since then I’ve just gone with the flow of life and let God direct every step of it.

There are a lot of talented people my age or around it and I often wonder how they got so lucky. Why did God bless them so abundantly and I’m still trying to find my footing in the world? While I realize this is wrong thinking, certain things trigger it and it’s usually the lie of comparison and wrong perspective.

God doesn’t look at any of us and say, “Man, I wish I had made you more like so and so.” or “Why can’t you be more like them?” No, He looks at us and says, “I made you and love you the way you are. I knew what I was doing when I created you.”  Truth is, it’s hard to see ourselves from God’s perspective because the world tells us constantly how we’ll never measure up to everyone else.

Then His truth hit me.

2 Corinthians 10:12

12 Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant!

There are areas of my life where I feel inadequate and insecure, but I’m in control of how I handle it. I’m in control of what I allow to feed into my heart about my life. I shouldn’t measure any part of my life to others and their success. Yeah, there are a lot of successful people my age and younger but they aren’t me. And as many times I say “I’m tired of comparing myself to others”, it still happens because social media and the internet have made it nearly impossible to ignore it. But it also makes me ignorant to what God is doing in my own life.

God has been turning tables in my heart the past month. He’s not only listens but provides. The more time I spend with Him, He speaks into my life and reminds me I’m not in this world to live in the shadow of anyone else or compare myself to them. I’ve been set apart for something bigger than my own understanding; we all are. 

We’re unique and our uniqueness sets us apart from everyone else. The more we bury this truth in our hearts and life, the more joy and peace we’ll find in life. I may not always be happy with where I am in my life, but I find joy in knowing God made me the way I am. I’m different and shouldn’t measure my life or happiness based on everyone else’s success.  My focus and perspective should always be eternal.

It’s easy to focus our attention on what everyone else is doing and accomplishing than seeing the work of God’s hand in our own life. If we really spent more time looking through His eyes and understanding, we’d see more blessings than lack. The lie of comparison is a burden we were never meant to carry. It makes us ignorant to God’s calling and purpose for our life.

If there is any area in our life where we feel a lack, we need to change our perspective. The lie of comparison is a lie and shouldn’t skew our view about God and how He loves and sees us. Every season of our life has a purpose and as long as we stay focused on Him and continually seek Him, we’ll learn to accept ourselves and our life through a lens trust and faith, not lack.

Do you ever compare yourself to others?

Where in your life are you experiencing a lack? 

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